Happy Friday, I hope as this is being published that I am having an awesome time down the South of Ireland in Cork or Kerry 😀
Anyway, what does love mean to me?? The last two years have been a bit of a whirlwind for me, with so many changes. To give you some context. I was single for almost 7 years prior. During my single years, I met some awesome people and went on some pretty funny dates, but I also learnt a lot. Not only did I learn a lot about people and the world, but I also learnt a lot about me. I learnt that I certainly didn’t ‘need’ a guy to feel complete or happy. There were times when I would see people in relationships all around me and even though 99% of the time I was so happy that they were happy, there was sometimes that 1% of the time that a few tears would be shed and I would wish, I too had someone to cuddle up to and love. Now keep in mind, I am one of the luckiest people on the planet, as I was brought up constantly surrounded by love (even during the fights) from my family, but the ‘romantic’ kind of love is something else. So back to being single, even though I met some amazing people in my life, I also met some shits. I actually learnt what I didn’t want from a life partner and I had a pretty big and particular list, but as I was so happy with myself and my life, I also knew I would never ‘settle’.
Enter 2016 and enter Oisín and enter the year I was completely over come and blown away with love. I already knew that if there was one person that I could love it was this guy. I had a 17 year crush on him. Over those 17 years, there wasn’t daily contact, but there was always the butterflies in my tummy when I saw him and the ‘thinking about it for days afterwards’………. Later finding out he had felt the same way about me for years was the best feeling ever! So when we both arranged to go out for lunch, I was so nervous and excited and the best part, I was 100% myself and comfortable around him. On previous dates, nerves always got the better of me – I am actually a really shy nervous person and can find it hard to get a conversation going and I think in turn, I can come across as boring and sometimes rude, I like to think, that’s not me though, but sometimes it can be until the 3rd time someone meets me to come out of my shell. But the amazing thing with Oisín – that never happened, obviously it helped that I knew him prior, but the nerves where nerves of excitement. There was no quietness or shyness, there was only jokes and laughs. So what was supposed to be a nice lunch together, turned into almost 4 hours talking in Jamie’s on our first date and that was kind of it from there. The next date a few days later was the most romantic thing anyone had ever organised for me and within 6 months we moved in together and before the year was out he asked me to marry him. Now we get slagged over the quickness of it all, but seriously guys, when you know, you know and I will explain why below.
As I said above, I knew what I wanted from a guy and I knew what I didn’t want. I will save the list for another time, but the three main things were
- Affection & Love
- To be able to talk and laugh for hours on end.
- Someone with ambition, determination and passion.
Ok, I know technically that’s actually 7 different things, but what ever. These are the things I wanted from my life partner and I wouldn’t settle for anything else. Now there are many other things, but these are the main ones. Waking up everyday next to him and knowing he feels the same is one of the best feelings in the world and sets me off for the rest of the day.
To me, love is ….
- Talking, Being able to talk for hours on end.
- Sharing your dreams and goals, all the while making new ones together.
- Laughing, making them laugh and that they can make you laugh.
- Morning Bliss, waking up in the morning, looking at your partner and just being in bliss.
- Teaching & being taught, who doesn’t love learning new things, if you both have completely different interests you can learn a lot from each other.
- Support. Wanting to support them as much as you can and wanting to help them succeed, even if it means driving down to Cork in the afternoon and back in the early hours of the morning, so the drive isn’t too tough on them or spending hours going over lines for a play, recording you for auditions at 2am in the morning when you would rather sleep.
- Listening and being heard (1). Listening to your partner describe their dreams and their plans for life can be one of the most intimate things to do. You’re hearing something they may only have shared with a select few (if anyone at all), you’re hearing their passions and what drives them.
- Listening and being heard (2). At the end of a bad day or a bad week, letting your partner talk and tell you about their day can be one of the biggest ways to help them. This is especially good if a cuddle is involved.
- Listening and being heard (3). Listening to the little things can be great too. If your partner tells you that they like massages a simple 5 minute massage on the couch at the end of the day can do wonders, your partner tells you they love old fashioned houses, a book on georgian and victorian houses as a random present just shows you listen.
- Respect. Without respect I don’t see how there can be love.
- Saying sorry. If you are in the wrong, the best thing to do is to just admit it. Some of the best marriage advise I have heard so far is to “pick your battles” and it really resonated with me, what’s the point in fighting over something that you are not 100% passionated about and this works both ways, your partner needs to pick their battles too
- Doing it anyway. If you and/ or your partner don’t particularly like doing something, do it for them (at least every so often 🙂 ), love is doing the dishes, love is making or getting dinner, love is driving.
- Spending time with each others families. My partner and I are both very lucky to be so close to each of our families and we are also very lucky as we get on with one another families too. We have the upmost respect for each others families as they raised us to be who we are.
- Excitement. Love is getting excitement over little things like nights in together or going to see a new film together.
- Time. The more time we spend together, the more love I have for him. Even when he drives me absolutely INSANE. But I learn something new about him every day and I love creating more memories and insides jokes with him as times passes by.
- Fun. Life is all about trying to make the most of every moment and having fun doing it! You need to be able to very easily have fun with your partner. It is something that should come naturally without being pushed.
Love is also…..
- Driving them to scuba diving lessons just to spend an extra few minutes with them and getting food to give them after you pick them up from the class
- Spending hours googling vegan restaurants, a diet that is totally new to you only so you can take them out for some nice food
- Making their favourite food, for when they get home from working all day and seeing them in ‘food bliss’
- Saying your going to fix something in the car, only to sneak out to buy their favourite chocolate.
- Listening without being directly told what to get someone for Christmas or their birthday.
- Love is listening to your partner jam out in the car, listening to music you wouldn’t otherwise and hear her get most of the words wrong and not in tune at all …. unless of course it’s rap 😎 .
- Love is all of this and more.
Love is you being happy, made happy and kept happy. That to me is love. Obviously the work has to come in on your end too, to make sure your partner is kept happy and feels the love also. This is something you should want to do every single day and there will be trials and tribulations that happen, life will throw some shit at you, but to me Love is part of what helps you come out the other side and gets you through the tough times, with everything that I mentioned above. I can’t wait for what 2018 brings, especially with a wedding and honeymoon during the summer 😀
Also as a side note, if you are someone who loves love, but is single, that was me too for EIGHT years! Know your self worth and don’t settle for anything less than what makes you happy. Don’t think you are stuck as single or stuck in a relationship that doesn’t give you butterflies. I waited for a pretty long time, but grew to know and understand a lot about ME and to be honest, I wouldn’t trade that time for anything. I also wouldn’t trade the ‘sad times’ I had while being single for anything knowing how good my own version of real love can make you feel and beam 🙂 So I hope this wasn’t too soppy for some of my readers, but for me, I like to be able to look back at things over the years and I feel this is something that is important.
I hope you all have a great weekend